the size of my grand rapids-shaped hole.

so today i found out who my host mother will be in ecuador. a certain Consuelo Guzmán of middle-class stock. alexandra told me that she lives in a central middle-class area, which is really nice because that way i can keep away from thieving low-life spics who want to rob me of my gringo-ness.

i bought some x-mas presents today for the family. i feel like they may really be enjoyed. at least some of them. i got my father a clint eastwood film, my mother a jimmy stewart film. (so far at least they're original). i got my brother ryan a cd, bonnie prince billy's 'master and everyone', which i think he'll enjoy, and my younger brother brett a copy of salinger's 'nine stories'. i kinda hope that one opens new doors for him in a way, it did for me. i got rose a Dr. Seuss book. one she'll be able to read, hopefully. i was looking for some book that could help in some way with the formation of her identity, as she's growing up half-black in a white world and i feel at times my parents could be doing more to introduce her to culturally diverse or non-white cultural situations, or could at least have more black friends (hell i'm not even sure i can express what i'm getting at here), because I know at some point there will be confusion on her part. but it was difficult to find something she could read as well as something that would be appropriate. she's seven years old. for awhile i was wondering what a malcolm x children's book would really do to her. i know she wouldn't really be able to wrap her head around it, but of course i know my parents might be upset with me if she became a radical black-panther first grader the week after i left for ecuador as well.

but that would be funny.

there's often this temptation to try and take part somehow in the development of my younger siblings, though i'm not sure the nature of its motives. in any case, i hope that temptation to take part in the formation of my 'underlings' is still there if i ever have children some-day. or not?

i'm getting an MRI tonight to eliminate, in the good doctor's mind, that 10% chance that my swiveling knee is swiveling for the reasons he thinks it is.

i hope you're all doing well. all two of you.

fuck. how lame am i? i could just e-mail the both.

and take it easy.

everything is going as planned

There have been some interesting developments in my life as of late, Mr. Gregory. While the trip home went fine, I was almost sure the weather/otherwise-stained mattress was going to fly off at any point. a few hours outside of des moines, IA, my mother locked the keys in the car, as well. in her purse. which is fine. it all made for an interesting ride home.

upon arriving home, I checked my e-mail to find a bill from my former roomate, an unspeakably large telephone bill, for calls made to the ever-expansive waistline of our hemisphere, specifically the mountainous capital-city of Quito, in Ecuador. I'm currently slaving, Mr. Gregory, in father's office to pay off said bills. I may break the zero-threshold and have some money for my trip down there to our little cousin continent. That is, if luck is on my side, and it seems it surely is, it surely has been for awhile.

If that weren't enough, Mr. Gregory, I've received advisement from an old orthopedic-surgeon acquaintance that I cancel my plans for said odyssey next year due to a certain torn ACL-muscle in my right knee. Although he's not sure that it's an ACL tear, Mr. Gregory, he explicitly said, and I quote, "If I had 10 chips in life, I would throw 9 of them in on this being a torn-ACL. I would throw the 10th one in if...(mumbling/misunderstanding on my part)". He said something about throwing 1/4th of the 10th chip in if it were divisible...one can't divide such chips so eeeasily, now, can one, Mr. Gregory?

It was quite a performance by the old Doctor. He went on to tell me I would be risking having to take on a series of knee-surgeries and/or replacements and possibly be plagued by early arthritis in my youth by post-poning said surgery. He inquired, exhaustedly, keeping up the performance that has perhaps beefed his income in the past, if it were possible to cancel said trip in favor of surgery and three-month rehabilitation.

Oh, and you know me by now, Mr. Gregory. I assured him it was certainly not possible. There was simply too much at stake, on too many a plain.

Unfortunately, Mr. Gregory, the history of this doctor fellow and I is certainly not over. It has, indeed, only begun. I may have one this first battle, but the doctor has my good health at his disposal. Blasted Doctor and his arsenal! I am to have an MRI tomorrow evening, 10:00 pm sharp, and I can expect you, Mr. Gregory? Or will you be up to more of the same?

In any case, seems things have been going swimmingly, giving me a real love for life.

Hopefully everything will continue going as planned,

X_____________

my ode to dan gelderfuck.

it's almost the end of all school for 2004. last night i was to do home-work and catch-up swim exercises for a swimming class i've attended rather casually, but i got distracted by the prospect of drinking, as well as the fact that my knee was re-injured by the help of a certain andrew, groping my asterisk. the last time i did make-up swimming i saw my 'coach' there, my instructor dan geldersomething, who was finishing up swim team practice, and i thought he might be happy to see me since i was doing the equivalent of 'make up work' for his class. in fact i've been swimming my ass off this week, sometimes twice a day. and that can be hell.

so i saw him at the window of his office as i was picking up two size 9-11 fins from the bin across the way, and he raised his hand reluctantly, looked more like a nazi salute than a greeting, and he gave me a kind of disappointed look. like it was really a bitch he had to see me or something. the kind of look you might get from a pious christian virgin whose wife denies him sex on his wedding night in favor of reading from the bible naked together. i don't know what his deal is. it just increased my already negative view of athleticism.

anyway, i really plowed into those milwaukee's beasts at about seven, and they ended up to be the beverage of the night as i went out later with peter and his new flame to pick some more up. a good new flame, mind you. this morning was a bit of a struggle to get up again, hitting the alarm several times. it took a bit longer to get my shit together and go 'cause my hair was all frizzed out from the chlorine overload.

i've got to go lead a conversation group in french in about fifteen minutes. it's sometimes quite enjoyable, but not usually. in this first group there's a middle-aged woman who's learning french so she can use it on her yearly trips to "Provence" with her husband. pretty bourgeois, but i like her effort. she can at least get her fucking syntax together, which is more than i can say for most of my students most of the time.

a plus,

ultra sounds are safe for your unborn babies.

yesterday in class a professor told me i looked like i just woke up. i told her no, and would've told her that i had in fact been up for several hours but i couldn't think that fast in spanish right then. i failed her quiz about five minutes later. the day is a worn-out ritual this time of year. went out last night and had a pretty good time. why is it I feel like I can see so much better at night-time?

I got tested for HIV yesterday. negative, yeah. you can't get much more nervous than a waiting room at an STD clinic. at least i don't think i could. it was even more bothersome because the nurse who administered the test was in a rush, so it was chaotic as well. i felt bombarded with information about safe sex, overwhelmed. and actually, there is some pretty helpful information about how that damned modern plague of all plagues the HIV virus is spread:

1) blood
2) semen
3) vaginal fluids
4) milk of human breast

so watch out for those things if they're coming to you unprotected. one shouldn't get caught in the cross-hairs so to speak.

i think i may have a beer later.