the size of my grand rapids-shaped hole.

so today i found out who my host mother will be in ecuador. a certain Consuelo Guzmán of middle-class stock. alexandra told me that she lives in a central middle-class area, which is really nice because that way i can keep away from thieving low-life spics who want to rob me of my gringo-ness.

i bought some x-mas presents today for the family. i feel like they may really be enjoyed. at least some of them. i got my father a clint eastwood film, my mother a jimmy stewart film. (so far at least they're original). i got my brother ryan a cd, bonnie prince billy's 'master and everyone', which i think he'll enjoy, and my younger brother brett a copy of salinger's 'nine stories'. i kinda hope that one opens new doors for him in a way, it did for me. i got rose a Dr. Seuss book. one she'll be able to read, hopefully. i was looking for some book that could help in some way with the formation of her identity, as she's growing up half-black in a white world and i feel at times my parents could be doing more to introduce her to culturally diverse or non-white cultural situations, or could at least have more black friends (hell i'm not even sure i can express what i'm getting at here), because I know at some point there will be confusion on her part. but it was difficult to find something she could read as well as something that would be appropriate. she's seven years old. for awhile i was wondering what a malcolm x children's book would really do to her. i know she wouldn't really be able to wrap her head around it, but of course i know my parents might be upset with me if she became a radical black-panther first grader the week after i left for ecuador as well.

but that would be funny.

there's often this temptation to try and take part somehow in the development of my younger siblings, though i'm not sure the nature of its motives. in any case, i hope that temptation to take part in the formation of my 'underlings' is still there if i ever have children some-day. or not?

i'm getting an MRI tonight to eliminate, in the good doctor's mind, that 10% chance that my swiveling knee is swiveling for the reasons he thinks it is.

i hope you're all doing well. all two of you.

fuck. how lame am i? i could just e-mail the both.

and take it easy.